Sep 26, 2014

counting my blessings


Today is the Friday Favorites linkup with Andrea at Momfessionals and I love linking up because it is just such fun to think about every week. What were your favorite moments from the week? What are some things you are loving right now? I'm trying hard to write this post. But it isn't working for me. When I think of my favorites right now, all I can think about is this guy


and these guys


You see, last night we had a bit of a scare.


I was out late last night (like who do you think you are Lexy, you aren't a young whippersnapper anymore kind of late!) and Casey was home with the boys. I had an awesome time getting to know the ladies at my MOPS table (more on why I love MOPS here) and got home just in time to nurse James at midnight. After he nursed, I stayed awake to hand express the other side because I was a bit overflowing. And thank goodness I was awake.

Half an hour after I laid him down (in the RockNPlay right beside my bed) James threw up pretty violently.

He has horrible reflux and spitups ten-twenty times between every feeding so I'm pretty used to spitup (a friend described this level of spit up as "exorcist baby"). But, this was different.

This time I heard it come all the way up from his stomach not once, not twice, but three times all in a row.

And then he choked on it.

James definitely has a dairy intolerance and me going dairy free fixed a lot of things for him. He is no longer angry baby. He no longer has blood in his stool. But, something is still not right. He still spits up an abnormal amount. He breaks out in hives for a few hours at a time nearly daily. He still has mucous in his diapers and his spitup. Something is still not right.

Flipping him over and pounding his little back to help him get it all out and using my finger to swoop out the mucous-y part he was choking on was terrifying. And it isn't the first time I've had to do this. Something is still not right.

And I'm terrified.


I stayed awake holding sweet James until almost three, unable to let go of his tiny sleeping body.

I woke up every half hour to check on him and make sure he was breathing.

I have no idea how I am ever going to sleep again.

What would have happened if I had been asleep when he choked? What if I hadn't stayed out until midnight? What if I hadn't decided to hand express before bed? Would I have heard it? Would I have woken up?

I'm terrified.

And everytime I try and write about my favorite moments from the week (and we had a good week!) or some of the awesome things the UPS man has brought lately, or the cute fall decor I've had out for two weeks now but still haven't photographed, all I can see is my family. All I can see is JMac's sweet sleeping face.

So this week, my Friday Favorite is our family photos taken by Picturesque by Haley on Sunday. This morning, my favorite is my family.



Today, I am holding my babies a little tighter. I am appreciating them a little more. I am in awe of these blessings God has entrusted me with. I am terrified of all the things that can harm them. I'm afraid to sleep. I'm ready for things to change and sweet James to get better.


Today, I am on my knees in front of God. I am thanking Him I was awake. I am thanking him for protecting my baby. I am asking Him to continue guiding us and loving us and protecting us. I'm acknowledging that I can't raise these boys on my own. Casey and I need God in our lives. We needs Him. Today and everyday we need Him.



And, on a lighter note.... Did you see the fun giveaway I'm hosting? The Kinsa Smart Thermometer is the world's smartest thermometer. It's techie. It's fun. It's easy to use. And Kinsa is giving one to a lucky Crazy Cass Life reader! So make sure you enter!


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