May 30, 2014

solo parenting, twitter, sonogram pictures

[one]

Tripp and Davy went to college!
Thursday was a huge day in the life of me. I met with my dissertation advisor to go over my rough draft. And he liked it! He had some suggestions and I have some areas that need work, as expected, but the overall feedback was so much better than I ever expected. I could write and write and write about all the things my chair told me, but my time is better spent enacting his suggestions rather than writing them all out. I have so much hope that I will be finished with everything before BabyJ arrives and then defend my dissertation in the early fall. This means I could graduate in December! It's only a year and a half later than I originally thought I would graduate, but I have three of the greatest reasons ever for a delay.

 

[two]

Also on Thursday, I got to sneak a peek at little BabyJ. Only he isn't so little. The sonogram was ordered to check my cervical length since I had PPROM last pregnancy and my cervix is currently long and lean. Really long actually. It was also ordered because I have had low maternal weight gain and they wanted to verify that J is growing okay. Well, I might not have gained very much but he's a bruiser! At 32w2d he is measuring 10 days ahead (33w5d) and is estimated at 4lb13oz. Everything looks great and J is a healthy baby boy. Sadly, I don't find this encouraging since at my 33w0d MFM appointment everything looked great and then the next morning labor began. I'm still a bundle of nerves.

Baby J.
Top: Profile with hands up by his face.
Bottom: Tiny toes.
 

During the sonogram, the boys were in the stroller playing with toys and having a snack. I wish I had a video camera set up on them. They were being relatively quiet, both sipping on their almond milk when the sonographer turned on the sound to hear Js heartbeat. Once you could hear the tha-thump-tha-thump Tripp looked up, stopped sipping his milk, and explained "Whoa!" Such a heart melting moment I will never forget!

 

[three]

During our infertility journey, my greatest source of support was the amazing women on twitter. The camaraderie, support, understanding, and compassion got me through a really hard time. Sadly, the infertility community is not very open to outsiders and as a mom of soon to be three, I have been deemed no longer one of them.

This breaks my heart. I took a week off of twitter this week to sort out my emotions around this and I'm still really confused. Women I went through unsuccessful treatments with, got pregnant with, raised newborns with, cried with, celebrated with are still there. I want to support them. I want to share with them.

But apparently I no longer relate to them because of my unicorn pregnancy. Apparently everyone forgot how naively overly optimistic I was through the whole journey and so any words of hope I offer are easy for me to say since it all worked out for me. Apparently the few pictures of the boys I put on twitter are too many (I restarted my Instagram account to limit baby pictures on twitter but I guess any photos at all is too many!). Apparently my support is no longer wanted.

I decided to get back on twitter. And I have decided I am not going to filter myself. And I have decided I am going to try really hard to be thick skinned about it because I have a feeling this will get me unfollowed by a lot of people I thought were friends. But not by everyone. And I have some true, deep friendships I am just not willing to walk away from.

 

[four]

I have been solo parenting all week and to say I'm exhausted doesn't even describe. I'm used to Casey traveling for work. I'm used to solo bedtimes when he works late. But no break since Monday is really wearing on me this week. I just don't have the energy I normally have. Pregnant with twin toddlers is no joke! I'm not sure how I'm going to survive long trips like this when I have a newborn and twin toddlers!

Sadly, this weekend is so jam packed that I won't have time to recover! I have a MOPS leadership training, we are watching my sister's kids all afternoon, we have a first birthday party, and somewhere between all of that we need to continue working on the must do before baby comes list. And then on Monday I go back to solo parenting for a few days. Joy.

Monday night the boys helped clean up.
We've been practicing the clean up song and I'm glad they wanted to help.
But they added their own spin:
Forget throwing toys in the basket, just clear the whole play zone!
 

[five]

I'm blaming the solo parenting for the pathetic blogging this week. I have the first half of an awesome post written that was supposed to post on Thursday as part of the one year and beyond linkup. The post is over gracefully handling unwanted opinions on your parenting. I know I really struggle with this and wish I had time to finish the post because I think it would be really good for me to write it. But, honestly, I think it will go live in my drafts folder for a while. I currently have 13 partially written posts in my drafts folder. I have a problem! The 30ish minutes a day I carve out for blogging just isn't enough for long, deep, thoughtful blogs.

The reasons I haven't blogged much this week.
 

 

Blog Posts This Week:

 

Join in and link up with A. Liz Adventures, Hello! Happiness, The Good Life Blog and Carolina Charm for Five on Friday!

 

 

 

2 comments:

  1. Good for you on the Twitter thing! You are still one of us... you are just one of the lucky ones! One of the beacons of hope for those of us in the trenches.

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    Replies
    1. Ironic that I wrote this early Friday morning and then things went so horribly wrong on Friday and I haven't been back on since. I'm just not in a place where I can take it I guess.

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