Apr 29, 2014

I Shouldn't be Grumpy.

I have been up countless times snuggling and comforting little boys last night. I guess it's really still night since it's not quite 5AM and I'm up with them again. I'm exhausted. I'm emotional. I'm puking (mystery pregnancy nausea is still under 10 for the night though. We haven't crossed the threshold for a bad night yet.) And I'm starting a new day. So when you read this, send up a little prayer for our family. We're going to need them today.

I have two little boys with fevers who just fell back asleep, but that hasn't been the case most of the night, and I doubt it lasts long. I feel like lately all of my prayers have either been praise praise praise or helpme helpme helpme. I don't seem to have a middle ground anymore and, if I'm being completely honest, it's not an even split. Today is another helpme day. So Lord, help me!
A rare moment with two sleeping boys.
Yesterday was a challenging day to say the least. Naps didn't happen; Davy only slept 40 minutes in his crib. He spent most of the day crying and sitting on my lap. Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe. By midday, I needed a break from being touched and cried on and having snot and tears wiped all over me, so we headed to Sonic. Car naps don't happen very often anymore but when they do they are still just as glorious as ever. And yesterday, it was needed. Very needed.
Tripp was in a great mood all day and cheerfully played by himself. Actually, even sick Davy did a great job playing. My boys love to play. And they play hard. He colored in the morning. And explored the bubbles in the afternoon. But he needed a wub most of the day and would randomly break into tears at any moment.
Competition for Jackson Pollock in the morningand bubbles in the afternoon!
Then, at bedtime I noticed Tripp was feeling warm too. It has been a long night. I just have a feeling today is going to be another long day.
Collapsing on pillows during playtime. So tired! So pathetic!
And I'm grumpy. I know I should be thinking only of my kids. I know I should feel grateful this is just a minor illness and my babies are overall so very healthy. I know I should just buck up and be the mom God created me to be. I know I should get over it because wallowing never fixed anything. I know I should. But I'm tired. I'm worn out. I'm spent. And I'm grumpy.
I would grant someone else in my position compassion. I would offer another mom a listening ear and a hug. So I'm allowing myself the freedom to feel the way I feel even if I shouldn't. I'm giving myself a few minutes to throw a pity party. I'm skipping my morning devotional to feel grumpy and feel sorry for myself.
And then I'll go back to gratitude. Because feeling grateful and praising God honestly feels better than being grumpy. Because I have the choice to be happy. The choice to praise in the midst of the storm.
I'm encouraged when I remember that other moms have been here. And survived. I'm not the first twin mom to have two sick babies. Moms of triplets and quads survive. I can do this too! I love these words:
I am not the only one.
I am not alone.
Other women too need a helping hand.
Show them to me, God, so I won’t wallow in self-pity
Or think more of myself than I should.
Show me your face through a woman’s face.
Let me hear your voice when my friend embraces me
Saying, “Girl, where have you been? I’ve missed you.”
-From Renita J. Reems Showing Mary: How Women can Share Prayers, Wisdom, and the Blessings of God
And so while I skipped my devotional, this morning I'm still praying. And praising. And throwing up. Because, ya know, weird pregnancy nausea.
Father in Heaven,
Today I remember to praise you, for you are good and you and are faithful and you are loving. All the time. And so all the time I should praise you. Even in the midst of my plea for help I need to remember to praise you always.
You are a God of compassion and a God who is capable of anything. But I am not capable of much. Both my little boys have fevers and clearly don't feel well. And all I can do is hold them and tell them I love them. I feel helpless. But I have one thing I can do Lord. I can turn to you in prayer.
I pray for their health. I pray they feel better soon. I miss my laughing, smiling, mischievous little boys. I pray they come back soon. I also ask for prayers of strength and patience and compassion for myself. Set in me a heart to help my little boys and be there for them today. Create in me a spirit of a servant. Prepare me for today. Grant me courage. Grant me strength. Grant me patience. Grant me a cure for the grumpies.
In Jesus' Name I Pray,
Update: Davy's temperature spiked to 103.6 so we ended up at the pediatrician. My mama's intuition was right an his throat is swollen and red. The step test was negative, which the pediatrician expected. Apparently they are seeing a lot of very high (some even get your kid to an ER high like 104-105) fevers and sore throats. It's a viral infection with no other symptoms making it's way around Dallas. Tripp's temperature was still just below fever level at the appointment but his throat was also showing some signs of infection. Overnight Tripp's temperature increased to fever level. Both of my poor babies have a virus. So nothing can be done but let them fight it.

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