But before I catch up, I want to look forward.
Writing a New Year's Resolution felt really difficult this year. I know my life is going to change drastically and wonderfully in ways I can't even imagine within the next few weeks. Two little lives are going to change everything for me. The truth is, I normally choose an "easy" resolution: lose weight, eat healthier, exercise, read the bible every day, etc. Invariably, all of these resolutions fall off within a few months (days?). I don't really know why, but a resolution to lose weight only ever seems to last until February or March. By mid-year I have typically forgotten what resolution I had even made. How can I make a resolution like that, when I don't know what my life look like a month from now, or two months from now. All I know, is it will change.
So this year, I don't plan to make a New Year's Resolution about self-improvement.
- I'm still gaining weight so Pip and Pop can be healthy when they make their arrival. After they come, I hopefully won't be dieting because I will be breastfeeding. Maybe the pounds will fall off and maybe they won't. That won't be the priority though. My priority will be giving them the proper nutrition.
- I would love to eat healthier, but I've learned that isn't a New Year's resolution, but a lifestyle choice that Casey and I are both making to ensure we are able to watch our boys grow up.
- I do plan to exercise - lots of walks around the neighborhood pushing a huge double stroller are in my future, but at least for 2013 we've cancelled the gym membership. It just isn't that season of my life.
- I would love to read the bible everyday. I cherish my quiet time with God each day and need to get better at including bible reading in that time every day instead of only some days. But, I'm about to be a new mom. And sometimes my soul might just need to sit with God and let His Grace wash over me. And that's okay.
Instead, I am pulling my New Year's Resolution out of the Bible.
Psalm 71 begins with a man seeking change. He says "In you Lord, I have taken refuge" or in a different translation "I run for dear life to God" (Psalm 71:1). This man is desperate for the Lord's love, grace, and help. He3 continues his prayerful request to God and in verse 18 says:
"Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come." -- Psalm 71:18
Psalm 71 is full of praise for God as the author declares Him a "rock of refuge", "my solid ground", "my hope. The author says "I have leaned upon You since I came into this world; I have relied on You since You took me safely from my mother's body, so I will ever praise you" (Psalm 17:6). One of my favorite verses in the bible follows: "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more" (Psalm 71:14). After a full life time of believing in God's majesty, serving God, and praising Him, the author still wants just a little more time to pass on his knowledge of God.
I'll admit that I want more than "a little more time" and I'm not (quite) old and gray yet (although I've heard twin boys will speed up the process!). But, I can still think about his question. I can still ask myself how I am passing the gospel on to the next generation. I can still desire to raise up the next generation in the spirit of the Lord.
So, in 2013 I resolve to live a Psalm 71 life.
Life may be hard. I will have troubles. But I know You will always run to my side. I know you were by my side when I hit rock bottom in 2012. You used your power and majesty to bring me up. For 2013, I resolve to sing Your praises, even on the hard days. I resolve to share Your love with others, and pass on Your wondrous deeds to others.
One way I can do this is through discipleship to my own precious sons after they are born. They will need your grace and your love and I resolve to raise them up in the image of Christ.
I can do this by returning to my work at Munger Place once the boys are old enough to go without me for a few hours. I can share You with the next generation. I can continue to pour my heart and soul into lessons for those sweet children.
I can continue blogging, where I have the opportunity to tell the story of your works and majesty in my own life to an infertility community that has so often lost faith in You.
I resolve to always have hope.
I resolve to praise you more and more.
I resolve to rely on you.
I resolve to declare Your power to the next generation.
I resolve to share Your might with all who I know.
I resolve to live a Psalm 71 life.