May 25, 2012

Comforting Confirmation: We Have a Date!

My appointment on Wednesday didn't go particularly well and my lining was even thicker than it had been Monday. In fact, on Wednesday my lining was thick enough the doctor was concerned about the possibility of cysts.

He immediately took me off of the Lupron and put me on Prometrium to induce menses. I needed to take 7 days of pills and then 3 days after finishing the medication, menses would begin. This would put us about 15 days behind our calendar (no big deal) BUT Huge scary risk to this: Prometrium will induce menses but could cause a "wild, uncontrollable cycle" and mean we would have to cancel IVF.

On Wednesday I felt very unsure of my ability to discern God's voice. The decision to pursue IVF is not one we made lightly or came to easily. I struggled to find peace with what our next step should be. I thought I had found that peace with IVF, but nearly canceling two weeks in a row stretched me past the limits of my faith.

How could I feel such peace about this when the signs all around me were clearly saying "do not enter" and "turn around now"? Casey and I talked and prayed on Wednesday and he commented that maybe the signs I was seeing as warnings were really God overcoming. We might have needed to cancel for my small, u-turning cervix, but didn't. We might have had to cancel for swelling, but didn't. We might have to cancel due to my lining - but at this point it was in God's hands.

Casey normally leads or evening prayer together, but on Thursday he looked over at me and said it was my turn. I don't like to pray out loud. It makes me uncomfortable and self-conscious, but on Thursday I did it.

I prayed for peace. I prayed for wisdom. But I didn't pray for a baby.

I prayed for guidance. I prayed for answers. But I didn't pray for a baby.

My largest prayer was for confirmation that we were on the right path and following God's will.

When I woke up Friday morning, I received that confirmation. With no PMS symptoms at all, AF arrived!

I went into the REs office this morning and we have a new IVF calendar now (use the IVF calendar link in the navigation bar to see it) with stimulation starting on Sunday!!

I am ridiculously over the moon right now.

And to make things better, I'm sleeping in a pretty hotel tonight for a quick one-night trip to Fort Worth.

Seriously though, I got a new IVF calendar and proof that God answers prayers in real and specific ways all in one day. I am over the moon.

God is good! All the time. God is good!

1 comment:

  1. I meant to tell you this forever ago but I forgot. My first IVF attempt got cancelled because I couldn't start my period. They kept delaying the start of the stimulants because they were waiting on my period and it never came. Finally they cancelled that cycle, saying it was better to cancel then when I hadn't already consumed thousands of dollars worth of drugs than after that. It was totally devastating to me. Two months later we started again and it all worked perfectly. So, it really wasn't an IVF attempt as I never started the stimulants, but still in my head that was the month we were doing it and it felt like a "failed attempt".

    I know how disappointing that is. BTW, I hate it when people use the word "disappointing" like I just did (hypocrite much??). Disappointing is when they just ran out of cheesecake at your favorite restaurant, or when you realize that it's a rerun on Grey's Anatomy. Cancelling an IVF cycle is devastating. I was totally devastated when they cancelled my cycle.

    I'm so glad you were able to overcome this obstacle. Nothing about this process has been easy or "clean" for you so don't feel discouraged that you've encountered road blocks here too. If you take every road block as a sign that God doesn't want you to have kids, you'll miss the miracle God has in store for you.

    Praying for you and Casey and for the family God has planned for you.