Apr 5, 2012

I Will Praise You in the Storm

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains --
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of Heaven and Earth"
-Psalm 121:1-2

God never promised being a Christian would be easy. (Just ask the disciples who were persecuted for their faith and teaching.  Ask the early Christians who had to meet in secret.  Even ask Jesus who prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane wondering if their was another way.) 

What God DID promise is He will be there.  He promises that "Nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37).  He promises to "strengthen us and help us" (Isaiah 41:10).  He promises He "will never let you down".  He tells us "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it." (1 Cor 10:13)

Right now my life is a storm.  The wind is howling.  The rain is falling.  Satan is pounding at my door.  This "storm" of infertility is all consuming.   I am scared.  I am lonely.

I am struggling right now to remember that even in the midst of this storm I should praise the Lord.  He is still worthy.  He is still faithful.  He is still trustworthy.  I know all of these things, but it's just hard right now.

I know that I don't need to analyze all of this.  I know that reading one more medical journal article isn't going to make this make sense.  I know that I need faith.  I know that I should give my worries to Him.  I know that He wants to be my umbrella and shelter me from this storm.  I know that I should let my faith sustain me.  I know that I am not alone.  I know I have my God. I have Casey (who is wonderful!). I have a supportive family. I have a great and supportive kitchen group. I have incredible and loving friends.  I am a child of God and I am not alone.  Even while this storm continues to rage outside, I need to seek my shelter in Him. 


But knowing this and doing it aren't the same thing. 


Last night in my kitchen group (it's like a small group, but less formal) we studied Matthew 7, the ending of the Sermon on the Mount (and its parralels in Luke in the Sermon on the Plain).  Our study book remarks:
Both sermons combine proclamation and obligation, and it is as hard to believe the former as it is to do the latter.  The saying about the narrow gate and the hard road (Matthew 7:13-14 and Luke 13:23-24) implies Jesus was quite aware of this, yet nowhere does he say, "What really matters is that you try" ... Instead, both sermons assume the disciple can do as Jesus says; neither sermon wrestles with the dilemma that worried Paul [in Romans 7].
For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.  -- Romans 7:18-19

I feel a lot like Paul right now.  I want to be good.  I know what being good looks like.  I know I need to place my trust in God.  I know I need to give Him my fears.  I know I need to hand my worries over to Him.  I know that, utlimately, He is in control and I will get pregnant, adopt, or live a childfree life according to His glory. 

I might know these things, but I'm not doing them.  I'm terrified.  I'm scared.  I'm angry.  I'm holding tight to worries.  I'm trying to find the solution on my own and not with Him.  God promised He will be there.  And He is.  He is my Help.  He is my Savior.  He will never let me down. 
So even though I can't be good, I will praise Him.  I will continue repeating Psalm 121:1-2 to myself.  I will praise my Maker. I will glorify Him. Even in this storm, He is my help.

And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm










"Praise You in This Storm"
by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth




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